Old School

So, I am thinking seriously about going back to school.  Just typing that sentence made me want to throw up from fear. It would change everything.  I think it would be amazing and fantastical.  However, I still remember college.  I still have nightmares about college.  I have these dreams where I am showing up to a class and discover that I have missed a whole bunch of assignments, and tests, and lectures.  On paper it doesn’t sound terrible, but I wake up in a cold sweat, short of breath.  These are things that elicit real terror for many college students. 

I graduated from college six and a half years ago.  This is a long time to be out of the game to jump back in.  But I think that I would take different things from the experience this time around.  I would have a deeper appreciation for the learning process.  I would take my assignments more seriously.  I would take classes that I truly want to take, and of course there will be a few that I have to take, but there wouldn’t be any filler classes just to make sure I have credits on my plate.  

What do I want to go back to school for?  I would LOVE to be a marriage and family therapist.  But, the caveat to this is I want to offer therapy from a Biblical standpoint.  I love family, and children.  I think that kids that have problems (ie. Anger, bullying, Emotional etc.) should not be trying to process these problems on their own.  Their parents should be deeply engaged and part of the child’s learning process.  I would love to counsel families, from the Bible and try to have them all heal together as a unit.  

So, herein lays my biggest problem.  I need to find a Christian college that does graduate work in marriage and family counseling.  I am fast discovering that I may end up having to earn my degree online.  This creates so many more fears.  I am not really a self motivated person.  Would I be able to handle online schooling?  I think I could, I would just need to be a lot freer from distractions than I currently am now. 

There are so many concerns that come up when I roll this whole problem around in my head.   Where am I going to get the money to pay for all this?  I still owe a ton of money from my bachelor’s degree.  How am I going to do this?  All the tests and questionnaires, just to get into school; that is if I can even find one!  Am I going to have enough time with my husband?  What if I get pregnant, will my schooling cease?  Will I even be able to utilize this degree after I actually get it?  Is this what God really wants for my life? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  This whole process is terrifying.  *SIGH*

Right now I am going to take it one day at a time.  I’m praying that God will open doors if this is what He wants.  I am going to start moving forward, and try to not allow my fear to stop me.  Pray for me!